Bacardi&Cigarettes

“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.”

So last night was one of the best nights of my life. It was fantastic. Do you remember my post If I Had it My Way? And I said "If I had it my way, we'd be laying next to each other, chilling to some lil wayne and drake, puffing on cigs, and just relaxing. And it would be a damn good time." Yeah well .. I got my way.
It started when my parents went away and I made up a super stealth plan so that I wouldn't have to stay at my granparents house. And this guy that I like, we'll call him E, wanted to chill Saturday night. So saturday night rolls around and I had the house to myself and he texts me asking to hang out. He said there wasn't any parties or anything going on so I was all like "I got a house to myself and a full bottle of Bacardi" and he said "And I got some Captains!"
So E came over and at first he was all like "we need some activities" so we're sipping on captain morgan's and trying to think of stuff to do. We ended up just talking and smoking cigs and listening to music and getting really drunk. And uh, so then I was really drunk and he wasn't that drunk but he kissed me. (: And we started making out. But he wasn't an asshole. He didn't try to take advantage of me. He told me that we weren't gunna go father than kissing because he wanted to take things slow. And oh God. Our first kiss was to a song that always reminds me of him. The Best I Ever Had by Drake. Good shit right there.
So then I kept getting drunker and drunker until we were talking at one point and I could not understand anything he was saying. And I told him. And I was like "Don't let me drink anymore!" So he smoked like 8 of my cigarettes and I shared one. Lol. And then we made out more and idk it was fun. And then I drank more and wanted to throw up, but he got my through that. And everytime I would try and move I'd fall over and he'd help me get back up and make sure I didn't fall again.
Then it was about 4:30AM and he was starting to fall asleep so I yelled at him and I was like "wakkkeee upp!!" So we took a walk, down my street, in the dark. It was cute. We walked to this lake at the end of my street and layed down on a picnick table together. Then we walked back to my house.
By then is was already 5AM and he needed to leave at 10 so we both crawled into my bed. [Except first he smoked a cigarette and now my sheets smell like cigs so bad and I can't get it out.] And he was all like "I'm gunna snuggle with you." And so I got to fall asleep in his arms and wake up in his arms too. I fell asleep around 7AM and we both woke up at 8. We cuddled and talked for a while. And kissed. And I loved it. And it was just such an amazing night. <3 At 10 he was just like "I really wish I didn't have to leave." GodDamn. It was great.
And then I had the hangover from hell. (:<3

Blahhh I like you!!

     And to think that I almost forgot how this feels.
     You make me smile. And when I say smile, I don't mean a little half-assed grin; I mean full out, all teeth bearing, smile. And the best part about it is that you don't even have to be with more, or even talking to me. All I have to do is think about you.
     You give me butterflies. Except it doesn't feel like butterflies fluttering in my stomach. It feels like a stampede of rhinos running through my gut. You make me so nervous. You are such an amazing person that I'm constantly afraid that I'm going to mess everything up. But at the end of the day you reassure me that I'm doing just fine.
     You amaze me with how much you care. You hit me up just to make sure I'm doing okay. You talk to me until you fall asleep. You hugged me in front of my whole family, because you knew I was falling apart.
     It's been two years since I've felt this way about someone. And you're brought that feeling back. You're brought my smile back. You've brought my love back. Because, Hell, I really like you. (:<3

Always Remembered and Never Forgotten

I remember when you used to put blue eyeshadow on me and curl my hair before you went to bingo. I remember listening to Portuguese music in your kitchen. I remember how delicious you used to cook for me when Mom and Dad had to work late. And you'd make me ice cream sundaes and Paul would always get mad that we used his whipped cream. I remember walking around Brockton and trying to push the strollers. I remember climbing behind your garden and getting poison ivy all over me. I remember watching RugRats all the time because I didn't have cable at home. I remember when you used to give me all of Paula's hand-me-downs when she moved out. I remembered putting on plays in your garage. I remember taking all your pots and pans out of the cabinet and playing with them. I remember when your father would talk to me in Portuguese. I remember when you used to cut the crust off of my sandwich but no any one else's. I remember that we used to always say that you had gold hair and when you stopped dyeing it we said it wasn't grey, it was silver. I remember every Christmas eve i couldn't wait until be got to see you. And it seems like I just saw you, and now you're gone. Rest In Peace Sheshi. ♥ I'll always love you.

Living Unhealthy

Clicky

Wow. So, I am really unhealthy. I am disgustingly unhealthy. I barely eat anything. And if I do it's usually a binge so it's absolute shit food and it's nasty. I drink way too much than I should. Because I love feeling the blur of being drunk. I just started smoking and get this. First time I smoked I didn't even cough. Like, the fuck? My ex told me the first time he smoked he felt like he was dieing. I mean, yeah it hurts a little, but whatever .. Arg. I want a boyfriend so badly .. :p

"We can sit and reminisce about the old school, maybe share a cigarette because we both fools; chop it up and compare perspectives. Life, Love, Stress, and Set backs."

If I Had My Way ..

If I had it my way, we'd be laying next to each other, chilling to some lil wayne and drake, puffing on cigs, and just relaxing. And it would be a damn good time.
But no. I'm sitting at home, alone, tears in the back of my eyes, and I have no idea why! It just fucking hit me. It was anxiety yesterday and depression today and I don't know what to do. I'm so fucked up. I just want to be normal.

Tequila&Mt.Dew

Today. I started crying. I started crying and this is the thought that ran through my head ..

"I'm happy."

Holy motherfuckingfuck. I don't even remember the last time that I thought that. I was crying because I was fucking happy. Because I was readinf Jovan quotes and texting my friend and this hawtasfuck guy and I was .. fucking happy. Now I know, that this is probably temporary, but I thought it. A genuine thought. Yess. Oh and I lost three pounds in one day, so it makes up for the one pound that I gained over vacation. Getting back on track babbby<3