I'm Gunna Marry James Newman

So, I'm a loser and got mono. Which sucked. But I'm back now and I'm alive.
All my "friends" are being bitches and I'm getting really sick of it. I think I need to find some new people to hang around. So, I'm working on that. This is my prime in life anyways, right? I should be getting recklesss.
I gained a pound. Ew gross nasty. I know. I'm working on it.
I ... I finally like a guy. And he's not complete bum. And he's nice. And he likes me. And he makes me smile. And he gives me butterflies. And ... I think we would make a pretty sweeet couple.
Skins was so depressing tonight. [Yess, US version on MTV] *spoiler* Fucking Tea gave Tony the clap and he gave it to Chelle. I was like "Tone whut.the.fuck we're supposed to get married" And Chelle was all crying at the end and it was just so depressing. ugggh.
It's getting reallly hard for me to express how I feel. I just .. I don't know how I feel or how to get it out. I don't know what's going on. This fucking sucks. It makes me want to start cutting again. 213 days since I last cut myself. Proud of that. But it's so damn hard. It's like quitting smoking. Which is what the guy I like and I were talking about today.
I got in a fight with a twelve year old today. A fucking facebook fight. She drew a picture of a hand and arm and the wrist had cuts and it said "emo is ohkay but it has its limits" or some bulllshit like that. I got so pissed. I hate  labels. They're complete bullll. And if you cut, that doesn't make you emo. You should see me. No bit of "emo" on me. And just because you wanna look emo doesn't mean that you cut yourself. I told her that a lot of people cut themselves because they probably have a mental illness. She told me "no it's because they're depressed" Depression is a fucking mental illness. DUMBASS.
My dad made cookies for the first time today. He's 50. He put the whole batch on one pan and make 10 giant cookies. They all got stuck together. He told me "I didn't know that they were going to blow up like that" Haha.

Progresssssing

Ohkay. So, my history test was postponed to Monday [thank God for snow] and we didn't have to do anything for gym class and my friend in that class is coming back to school. Yays! I got 92 on my English midterm, which I'm so happy about. I do shitty on most classwork in there but I test amazingly.
I'm trying to stay positive. I'm feeling pretty good right now because I didn't eat that much today. If I don't eat a lot then I feel great. So, I just have to stick to under 1000 calories a day and I'll be fine. Plus exercising boosts my attitude about things. Feeling good. Going to finish up some homework and study for exams tomorrow and force some food down to please my mom.
<3 Stay Beautiful

I'm Going to Fail

I'm going to fail.
I'm going to fail gym

because I can't do 60 pushups in 60 seconds. I can do like 3. Maybe. Sorry that I'm not a fucking jock. I try to do pushups and fall on my face. On the gym floor. I cannot support my own body. I have zero muscles. I shouldn't have to do this; I'm not obese..

I'm going to fail APUSH.

because I can't remember anything I read and he doesn't teach us. Yeah, I suck at history and probablly shouldn't have taken this class. God it's killing me. I'm going to fail. Huge test tomorrow and I'm going to fail.

I'm going to fail English.

because I can't read. Like I said before, if I read, I just can't remember anything. So I just stopped reading. And I keep getting so depressed that I just don't write the papers that I need to and then he yells at me and then I almost start crying.

I'm going to fail life.

because all my friends hate me except my friend who is in love with me and I missed my period again and I'm so fat and ugly and over ate today because I was all like "be normal" and now I want to die and I just don't see the point in living anymore.

It hurts too much to live ..